


Un'Goro Soil

by LogicLoup



Category: ReBoot (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, crackfic, game-hopping, putting my misspent gaming youth to some kind of good use, vanilla wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-07
Updated: 2006-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicLoup/pseuds/LogicLoup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matrix, as usual, is cranky. As is decidedly <i>un</i>usual, he's rebooted as a quest-giving NPC in a multi-User game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Un'Goro Soil

After the hazy purple of the game cube faded, Matrix was greeted by... more hazy purple. This place, whatever it was, had an air of pastoral serenity to it. Leaves in all imaginable shades of violet drifted gently from the branches of massive trees; balls of shimmering energy bobbed along lazy meandering paths; soft blue lanterns lined worn cobblestone lanes. "It's beautiful," AndrAIa whispered beside him. Frisket sniffed tentatively at some passing bit of wildlife.

"No time to stop and smell the daisy-wheels," Matrix muttered. "Glitch, game stats." His near-perpetual scowl deepened into a dark glower.

"What's wrong?" AndrAIa asked.

"It's networked."

"That means multiple Users, right?" Matrix nodded, and a note of hope crept into AndrAIa's voice. "Which means we're connected to multiple systems. Better odds of finding one that will be connected back to Mainframe."

Matrix refused to be convinced. "Maybe. First we have to win, though."

"What does Glitch say we need to do?"

"That's the thing. Glitch isn't giving us victory conditions."

AndrAIa blinked, trying to process this. "But... Glitch always has victory conditions. That's part of the game stats." Met with a typically Matrix stretch of sullen silence, AndrAIa shrugged and knelt beside Frisket. "Well, only one way to find out, then." With a double-tap to her own icon and the dog's, she continued, "Reboot."

The fact that Frisket was transformed into a huge sabre-toothed black cat fazed Matrix not one bit. Seeing AndrAIa as a statuesque purple-skinned woman with absurdly lengthened ears and glowing white eyes, wearing form-fitted armour — and not much of that — came very close to knocking him out of his rotten mood. After a protracted moment of throat-clearing, Matrix followed suit in rebooting. "Right," he said in his character's deep baritone. "Sooner we're out of here the better." He reverted his icon from game mode to system mode, prompting AndrAIa to do the same for herself and Frisket.

And then, the Users arrived. Two of them. One was a female sprite, fairly standard build with pinkish skin and black hair, dressed in garish red and purple robes with a staff slung across her back. The second, male, was only about half as tall as Matrix's rebooted form, though just as broad through the shoulders; the black and white striped cat at his side yawned copiously, showing off its fangs. As they approached, the pair chatted amiably about something called "1337 HKs." Apparently the shorter of the two didn't have nearly as many as he would have liked, a predicament which could apparently be averted by "Blizz to nerf shamans imo." His companion, on the other hand, was of the opinion that he simply had to "lern2play", and the problem would solve itself.

Matrix grunted in annoyance, causing AndrAIa to stifle a snicker and the Users to draw up short just before colliding with him. He made no attempt to disguise or downplay the disgust in his tone as he began to recite the script Glitch fed him. "'The soil of Un'Goro Crater is reportedly enriched with potent magical qualities. I want—' This is completely random! What am I supposed to do with a load of magic dirt?"

The Users' eyes widened in shock. "wtf staghelm r b0rkd!" the girl exclaimed.

"wtf?" came the response from her companion. "cant get quest :`("

"What are you doing?" AndrAIa whispered to Matrix. "Why are you breaking the script?"

"Magic... dirt," Matrix repeated, half to himself. "How low-density do they think we... hey! Stop that!" The male User had begun poking at Matrix, who easily swatted away the offending hand.

"GMs say its fine," the first User stated. "Try again."

"fcuk htis noiz," the second said, the contempt in his voice nearly a match for Matrix's own. He backed away several paces and brought a rifle to bear, taking careful aim on the centre of Matrix's chest.

"OMFGWTF YOU NUB!!1!1" the girl shouted. "Hes lvl ?? BOSS!! He PWN u w/ easy"

There was a loud retort as the rifleman fired, leaving Matrix with mussed hair and not much else in the way of injury. "My turn," he smirked. "Gun. Command line. Extreme prejudice." In the space of less than a nano, the would-be shooter lay in a crumpled heap.

"Sparky," AndrAIa said as the game dissolved, "we have _got_ to work on your temper."


End file.
